


A Thousand Petals

by onewayilove



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Anxiety, Denial, Exo appearances here and there, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Loads of confusion, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mystery, but hardly there, but not that cliché, i love to make myself cry, just in case!!, prepare to cry, tags will be updated with the chapters, we are all confused, your cliche fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-12 23:10:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11747142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onewayilove/pseuds/onewayilove
Summary: Junmyeon wonders why he keeps losing more and more people around him. He wonders why the rain keeps searching for his company. He guesses it is just how it is.





	1. So Long And Goodnight

**Author's Note:**

> Just some drabble. I don't know if I'm going to continue.  
> Note: my native language is not English.

-

First there was Wu Yifan. The old mirror across the room vaguely reminded him of the empty feeling of that unreal day in the past. His cheeks had become sticky with the tears of disappointment he would never show. The crack in the mirror stood parallel to the shattering in his chest. It’s nothing, he would tell himself as he watched Yifan walk away. Tall legs, golden locks and warm smiles. One of his hands twitched with the need to pull him back. He and Yifan were never a couple, shared no romantic feelings. So why did it hurt so bad? Disappointment, he decided. Yes, that was the feeling. 

Whatever, right?

\- The loss of a loved one is only a kind reminder that we were born just to die again. It doesn’t matter how desperately we fight to survive, one day our heart is going to freeze in our chest, our brain will lose its functioning and we will fade into a sleepless dream. -

Hearing someone died is a horrible thing. The idol life had prepared Junmyeon for several things. He knew how to control his dancing and singing, had learned to listen to the audience’s desires and had no problem with adapting to any situation. At least, that’s what he thought. As the news kicked in, he suddenly forgot how to feel. Suddenly hyperaware of himself, he had grabbed the railing of the couch and didn’t sit, but slid down feeling uneasy. 

He was staring down at the screen. 

And sobbed.

\- Why do so many people feel the urge to go outside when it rains? Junmyeon smiled. Thick, heavy, warm tears were rolling down his face and mixed with the pouring rain. He sniffled. A salty taste found its way in his mouth as the thunder boomed in the darkening sky. It somehow gave him comfort and made him feel safe.

Completely absorbed in the moment, he didn’t notice that his body was slowing turning cold.

He let the cold wetness of the rain embrace him, and for the first time in a while, he greeted the darkness without hesitating. -


	2. I'm Not Your Anti

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so tired,,,  
> Excuse my grammar mistakes, or weird sentences,, I already checked but I'll have to edit it again, soon.  
> This is more of a filler chapter, gotta make you understand the situation better.  
> Bear with me :)  
> WARNING! Mentions of implied selfharm (hardly there, but just in case) and loads of confusion.

A warm breeze hit the side of Junmyeon’s face. Feeling tired and drowsy, he started to blink as soon as he opened his eyes. Some sharp sunlight shone right into his left eye and he groaned. Five more minutes, he wanted to say. The open window in the corner creaked loudly.

He felt dead. Shit, his whole body was sore and his vision troubled heavily due to a nasty headache. What the hell had happened? And where was he? While inspecting the unknown room through his eyelashes, he noticed the overall clean appearance. There was no sign of lost clothes, books where sorted in a satisfyingly colored order and dust was apparently nonexistent in this human’s habitat. 

He had to admit that he was impressed, and wondered if there were more clues that could lead him to remembering the room and yesterdays events. And as if someone had heard his thoughts, he suddenly noticed albums in the corner of the room. Very familiar albums. 

Wait. Clean appearance, cinnamon colored walls and EXO-albums? He knew exactly where he was.

And as if the boy had heard his name, he erupted through the door. 

“Junmyeon-hyung!” Jongin expressed. His eyebrows rose with curiosity. “How are you feeling?” 

Junmyeon slowly sat up. Jongin quickly came to the rescue and put one hand under Junmyeon’s upper body, while using the other to pick up the cushion so he could rest his back on it. After he made sure the older male sat comfortably, he also sat down on his bed.

“To be honest, I have to say that I’m confused. What happened?” He studied Jongin’s face and noticed the boy’s tired appearance. The sunlight left nothing to his imagination. Prominent eye bags and droopy eyes were a clear sign of exhaustion. “You seem tired.”

“Well,” Jongin started. “yesterday was a very strange day, right? First Yifan’s departure. Then The News. Something else was bound to happen, I suppose.” He absently nodded to himself. “The weather was also really bad. The atmosphere inside was heavy and emotional, so of course it was understandable that you wanted to go outside, being able to breathe freely. ‘While taking shelter,’ you assured us. Don’t you remember?” 

Oh, right. The News. Yifan’s leaving. The strange atmosphere. But after that? A blur.

“I don’t remember going outside…” Junmyeon admitted. He frowned at Jongin and let out a shaky breath. His knuckles turned white as he gripped the purple sheets. 

The younger male seemed to understand him. “We don’t know what happened after that either. Before we knew it, you had already left for twenty minutes, so we got a bit concerned and went outside. And there you where, sitting outside in the rain, eyes closed and in a trance, about to lose consciousness. Which isn’t too strange, noticing you were soaked and burning up. But, hyung….” Jongin fell silent and quickly hit his face by turning away.

Nervousness gripped Junmyeon by the throat. He gulped. “But…what?”

After a few breaths, Jongin looked up, straight into his eyes. His eyes were getting a bit red, tears brimming and close to falling. “Your wrist was…bleeding.”

Junmyeon looked down at his arm.

A bandage was neatly wrapped around Junmyeon’s wrist. Strange how he hadn’t noticed that before, as if it were attached to the skin. The one in charge had been gentle. Yixing, maybe? Junmyeon silently chuckled to himself. No, he wouldn’t base these real life events on their non-existent superpowers. 

“Why is this getting you so upset? You said I sat down, maybe I fell?”

Jongin stood up, clearly upset. “As if we didn’t think about that. Of course we checked. But there wasn’t only blood on that wrist.” He pointed at the bandages and slowly moved his finger to Junmyeon’s right hand. “ You clawed through your skin with your own nails!”

“That absurd!” Junmyeon spit out in a defensive manner. 

Jongin rubbed his face. “Don’t believe me? I’ll get someone else, yeah? In the meantime, do yourself a favor and look at your nails. Blood doesn’t come off easy.”

The door slammed shut. 

-  
Most humans don’t remember what they ate the day before. As life goes on, some actions throughout the day unconsciously become a routine. Things you don’t think about twice. But some events are too heavy, different than usual, to forget. You should be able to easily remember them or at least after thinking hard about it. But the time outside was a blur. He didn’t remember anything. ….Strange.

-  
Blood…under his nails? Junmyeon raised his small hand to study his usually clean nails. There was still a small layer of dried up blood underneath them. He noticed the messy attempt at removing the mess. He sighed. It was an impossible task.

At the same time, quiet sounds of the rainy weather outside started to fill up the silent room. Just like Junmyeon's mood, it had changed drastically. Droplets of water splashed apart against the window and a sense of deja vu hit him. The poaring rain somehow felt familiar and comforting. It made him realize that no matter what happened, the world would always go on and follow its own rhythm.

“Junmyeon-hyung?” A slightly deeper, but unsure voice called out. 

Kyungsoo walked into the room, holding a first aid kit tightly under his arm, and came to stand still right next to Junmyeon. “Are you hurting? Your wrist?” He held out his hand, expecting Junmyeon to give his injured arm. 

Junmyeon gasped after seeing the bandages removed. Messy, but shallow cuts were scattered across his arm. It looked like an angry, crazy cat with sharp claws had ripped open his arm in one simple movement. 

“This is crazy,” he muttered. “Utterly crazy.”

Kyungsoo smoothly removed the remaining stains on his arms. “You know, hyung. You don’t have to hide anything from us, remember? Whatever you are going through, you can talk to us.”

Uh…? Junmyeon paled. He shook his head furiously. “You’ve got it all wrong! I didn’t do this to myself!”

“Please stop making excuses already. We are worried about you! It’s obviously not an accident, huh. Did the pressure become too much?” Chanyeol spoke. The three at the bed turned their head to look at the newcomer. “Cut it out already. You’re acting like a crazy person.”

“So now you all think I’m crazy? I’m not!”

Why didn’t they believe him? Junmyeon was feeling hopeless and alone, had no arguments to back up his statement. How could he? He was nothing without his memories. Even though he was just as confused as the other members, he did know one thing for sure; he would never hurt himself. Sure, it could be a good stress reliever. Sure, it’s not like he had never thought about it before. But to actually do it… that was a completely different story. It was not like him. It was just not realistic.

“Yifan told us he has caught you once before.”

The room grew cold.

He couldn’t believe his ears. Why was Yifan lying about something so serious?

“You don’t actually believe that, right?” He asked. His face fell when he watched the unchanged worried expressions. “Do you?”

“Why would Yifan lie?” Chanyeol wondered.

“Why would I lie? Do you have any proof? Did I ever had any bandages around my wrist before? Yeah, thats's what I thought.” Junmyeon bit back. “And speaking about Yifan; where is he?”

Chanyeol opened his mouth to say something, but Kyungsoo wasn’t having any of it. He glared at him and attempted to tone down the weird atmosphere by saying: “He’s with Yixing, Luhan and Zitao. But listen everyone. Let’s discuss this some other time, yeah? Junmyeon-hyung deserves his rest right now. So, go!”

Jongin and Chanyeol exchanged glances, looking unsure, but nodded. Just before they all left the room, Chanyeol quickly turned around and looked Junmyeon straight into the eyes. “Don’t believe me? Check your thighs.” 

And even though those words felt out of place to him, they still shook Junmyeon straight to the core. 

-  
Junmyeon felt like he had woken up with amnesia. Somehow it felt as if something big was missing; a big piece of his mind. Even though everything appeared to be fine, he still got that strange feeling of loss and emptiness. It was bugging him, made his head heavy after thinking about it for too long. It also didn’t help that the members had a different view on the situation, which made him feel insecure and even more unsure of the past. And Yifan surely wouldn’t make those lies up, right? 

Calm down, breathe in, breathe out. Take a moment to think. Be rational and look at the ways to possibly explain this situation. You’re not going crazy. 

Right?

Check your thighs, Chanyeol said. His dark eyes where daring him to do so.

Just to check, he pulled down his pajama pants. He gasped at the sight.

There were scars.  
Something was horribly wrong. 

-  
“Anyway, did any of you get in touch with the members from Shinee?”

“Yeah, the funeral will be held in three days.”

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Junmyeon is confused, you're confused, we all are  
> Don't worry, I will clear it up soon enough  
> gotta edit soon, how do i english??


End file.
